to disappear among other things

so like i said on my last blog, i was away on a retreat so now im back~! for a few day now actually, but yeah i got lazy and ive only gotten to come around and write today. better late than never yeah?

ive much to say really, but its funny how the first two days of our retreat almost bored me to death, not to mention a certain "friend" who im fondly going to call "b" kept on groaning at me about how bored he was and how our speakers are "full of shit" (his words, not mine). nevertheless, the trip was worth it, i suppose.

oh by the way, before we head on into the more meaningful events of the retreat, can i just give a tiny space in this post in dedication to the food we had for three days.

applause please.

i honestly cant remember when was the last time in my entire life that i had that much food in a span of three days! i was still full from the last meal and i have to eat yet another meal within the next two hours. can you imagine, five meals in one day! unfortunately i wasnt able to take a picture of our meals since phones were confiscated during the retreat. but of course there are people, like me, who refuse to hand over their phones. but that doesnt mean i was going to let other people see that, especially the organizers.

surprisingly, after spending two nights in a retreat house, there isnt much "activity" for me to witness--at least nothing i couldnt handle or worth freaking-out over for. curious about the first night though when i woke up--as in totally woken up, with no trace of sleepiness--at three in the morning and for the second night, there was a moment where my hand was pulled from my pillow and apparently i suddenly sat up in the middle of the night then promptly went back to sleep--yeah weird. i know.

anyway, what else can i talk about? its because the sessions were so boring that ive nothing to talk about. i pretty much spent most of my days there eating, sleeping, walking around and reflecting on myself and the things ive done in the past--and the things i should do. it was pretty relaxing--minus the time where we had to sit through hours upon hours of boring talks and sessions. 

however, the part which i would like to take note of, is the candle vigil --which was the last event of our retreat. we, the CAS4 family, were allowed to voice out our thoughts, concerns, and feelings towards one another in a manner that was free and non-judgmental. all in all it was a success as far as i was concerned. most of us, if not all, had the opportunity to throw out those burdens that weve been carrying since our first year of college. and we went to bed that night with a feeling of lightness not often felt by most.

"it's not what you show to others that count, it's what you do."

"dont close yourself from others, you'll never know when someone is feeling the same way that you do, and sometimes, theyre just as scared as you are. learn to give them a chance you would want yourself to have."