there always comes a point in time when i just bubble up--and thats not to be taken in a positive way. i meant bubble up as in up to an exploding point, as proved in my old blog posts. i cant help it. im the type of person who ignores and lets small things that annoy me slide by. this is a fact, and obviously, im aware of this trait in me. however, its also because of this trait that small things add up through time and just like a glass of water, once it's filled up--no matter the manner it was filled--it eventually spills. unfortunately, even though im aware of this, until now, i still cant control it.
im overflowing.
the problem with this is that, when im near that exploding point, im full of so many small things that i can get triggered by yet another small event, insignificant even--but still a trigger. and because im filled by small things i initially let pass, at this point when im overflowing with emotions, one cant just ask me "what's wrong?" because with all the little things, i cant just specify what is wrong, because at that point, everything has turned into a blur and the only thing wrong at that point is that my emotions are at its peak. at this point, im a volcano that wont stop spilling lava and magma until the core cools down. and that takes a while.
after that happens, im back to the first stage of my cycle. an empty glass of water waiting to be filled once more to the brink. its something i really want to change--but i guess this means i would have to find more outlets for me to let things go. this blog is one of those outlets.
lemme just make a small note on what happened when i exploded a few days ago. tuesday actually. it was during humanities class. it was a very little thing really, however, ive been annoyed at my prof since last semester and seeing him again wasnt doing anything good for my nerves. see, ive enrolled a bit later than my classmates so i wasnt there during their first class where he apparently gave out his orientation. so long story short, i missed some requirements for the class which is some kind of an identification card where our recitation points go to. i didnt know about it until the day of the recitation. i wanted to recite, i wanted a grade, but since i had no card, no grade for me. i asked him about it and he said "it was my duty to know". as if im being incompetent for not knowing about it.
so i exploded after class. it also didnt help that he kept turning away from me when i kept on talking to him about it. i mean, how hard can it be to tell me "i need you to pass me an index card". is that so hard? so i walked out and being unable to help myself, i shouted on my way out:
"you know what, nevermind!"
anyway, just so you know, a lot of students hate that prof, not just me. so im not exactly a freak case here. it just so happened that i wasnt able to help myself from exploding at that moment. so that's that. well, after that outburst, my "water" level went down so ive started to feel a bit better. but still im still a bit moody but that's almost close to normal too.
aaaaannyyway, it's the first day of december and i plan on starting it right.
im going out with some friends later for a late birthday celebration. must keep holding on to my good mood~!
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