this is not plagiarism, but i share a thought

“Call Center lang pla nagwowork”

Following a heartfelt complain by a former workmate about having heard this phrase, I could not help but write this in defense. Yes I am a Law graduate, and yes I have worked in the call center industry during my days thinking that this phrase meant that call center is as menial as they say it is… but you know what….

This phrase pisses me off a lot. Why? There is such a huge discrimination when one hears a person is working in a call center. Companies even have specific rules for application for loan, credit card, phone line and so many other things if you are working in a call center, and if you say call center, you can hear the aah of disappointment in their tones.

Sad thing is, do these people actually know how freaking hard it is to get in a call center from the initial interview up to training even on the production floor? Yes they do see the glamour of call center workers partying, Starbucks or going out having a good time, but they deserve it, because these people slave 8-9hours or more a day bearing insults from clients who are not even their own family, constant changes with stats that they have to meet up with and the worry that anytime one minor fault can lose them their job. Believe me this work is not just about sitting down and saying hi and hello and its all good.

Carrying of phone is strictly prohibited in the production and yet you will get some ignorant love ones requesting to break up or even blame you for not answering the phone during your work hours. Do they even know carrying a phone inside the production floor is a cause for termination? Yes believe it or not it is! In spite of being regularized these people still do not have stability of work, with the constant change of client requirements and statistics, quality control and metrics a call center agent can lose his job at anytime! Being late can be cause for termination, even being absent if its 3 consecutive days is ground for termination. And regardless of the emergency it is a requirement for an agent to phone in 2hr before his/her shift to inform that they can’t make it, otherwise it is marked as No call, no show which can also lead to grounds for termination, now consider this what if an emergency struck and you are unable to call? Yes they do get penalized regardless. They work graveyard shift and believe me working in the night is one of the most difficult thing to do only to go home and sleep the day off to wake up and prepare again to go to work. Holidays, even Christmas and New Year they are required to go to work, regardless of any holidays celebrated. Its funny how the media always portray the glamour of working in a call center, but the true call center work takes a lot of hard work, sweat, blood and tears which the media have never gotten the chance to really show to the public.

In summary? Respect! This is not a simple job, otherwise they would not offer such a high pay, it takes a lot of sacrifice and yet it is classified by our system as a factory worker category, such a shame. No job deserves more respect than the hardworking call center agents who slave every night to support their family because our government could not offer a job that suits their profession. For those who uses the phrase “call center lang pla nagwowork” I challenge you to try and enter this profession and after 2 or 3 months, tell me the same phrase that you mentioned and I promise you, you will change your perception!

-Unknown

we were gods. once.

just something i wrote during work today. i may or may not incorporate it to my previous story already posted on here which was "a shadow in winter".

The lost daughter of the Seelie Court, the tortured son of the Unseelie, and a prophecy that will bind them together. The merging of two opposite forces - to control the uncontrollable and to liberate the bound.

 

Because when Fate starts playing, she always plays to win.

 

----------

 

It was an impulse he didn't understand. All he knew was the once he saw her, he wanted her. He was even almost - almost - willing to admit that he needed her. It infruriated him that he would someone like her, a mere mortal, would affect him like so. It was discomforting but he didn't think about it, not now. He wanted her now so he would take her. He would ponder the reasons and the consequences later. For now, he couldn't miss his chance.

 

He appeared before her from under the shadow of a nearby tree, seeming to have actually stepped out from the shadows and into reality. That wasn't actually far from the truth. His eyes - bright, icy blue, which some even claim can look too cold sometimes - focused on the girl. Those eyes that stood out from his dark demeanor was focused with the intensity of a predator stalking it's prey. That isn't too far from the truth either.

 

The girl was pretty for a mortal, he would give her that much. Her hair of gold caught the light of the sun, something he didn't like too much but he found beautiful against this girl. Her eyes were a warm brown - a direct opposite of his. Overall the girl looked as if the sun shone within her. She was radiant and warm where he was cold. He knew she'd do better without him - much better - but he wanted to be selfish, he could afford to be selfish. That was ingrained to his being, what he could take was his, and she was no exception.

 

He took a step out of the shadow that hid him and he reached out, intending to reach for the girl, to place a mark - anything. But at the exact moment that he took a step, the girl looked up, her actions suddenly alert in comparison to her relaxed state not a few seconds ago. He likened her to a frightened deer. Her eyes fell on him - which should've been impossible - he was invisible to her, but her eyes caught him. She was wide-eyed and for a moment Xaedh studied her and realized that she saw nothing. But he was impressed, she was able to pinpoint his location. Her eyes were searching but unable to see the threat. Xaedh felt a smirk pull at his lips when he saw her tremble. He was unsure whether she felt threatened or scared - but she felt his presence, that much he knew. He decided to take another step - and the girl bolted.

 

He could've laughed. He clearly underestimated her. She was more perceptive than he thought - more intelligent than she was beautiful. And definitely more intruiging. She ran from him but it didn't matter. He looked down and saw a fallen flower - the one she held before she ran. Xaedh reached down and chuckled faintly. It didn't matter that she ran today. He would find her. She was his, he decided. He watched as the flower turned into ice in his hand. He tossed the frozen flower away, watching it drop to ground once more, shattering into crystals upon impact, before looking towards the direction she ran to.

"Smart girl. You may have escaped me today, but not forever. I'll see you again."

 

And with that he turned away and returned to the shadows.

 ----------

Wraiths welcomed him when he returned to the Court, Cailleach, in particular. Their robes billowed around them, moved by a nonexistent wind. Their robes were tattered, but despite the state of their clothing, there was a dangerous, deathly beauty about them, particularly Cailleach, who knew of the effect she had, even appointing herself the leader of their group of three. Beare and Fienn followed behind her, hunched and pale, as if shrivelling under the presence of Cailleach. Most fae, Seelie and Unseelie, had some amount of fear and respect towards them. But Xeadh often saw them like one of those cliques that human girls like to form - like they were goddesses who walked the earth and earned the right to treat others like--

"Xeadh, you're back. And what have you been up to lately? You were gone a while." Cailleach's voice broke through his thoughts. He noticed the way she tried to make her voice feel like silk, but her nature as a wraith was evident, making her voice crack. And it was far from attractive. In fact, Xaedh was pretty sure if he was anyone but him, anyone of a lower ranking would've cringed or shivered at the sound of her voice.

"I'm rarely here, Cal. Nothing's changed. Anyway, why are you here? Did something happen?"

an upgrade of sorts: accomplishment!

i finally got around to writing this so yay!

so my last posts were about my laptop being stolen and me planning to replace it. for starters, i finally managed come around and replace it - but not with a laptop - not even a gaming laptop - but a full blown gaming pc. im not gonna list down the specs i bought but rest assured it's working damn good and damn fast.

her name is persephone. yeah. calling her perse for short. and no, im not spelling it as percy.

anyway, i managed to save some money from my pay and i finally got around to getting my first accomplishment! buying a gaming pc from my own hard-earned money (with a little help) but hey, not bad right?

i got persie last sept. 1 and i only managed to write about her today because it's been busy and i've been setting her up by updating and such - with the help of my boyfriend of course~

i'll be packing perse up with my old games that i lost from my laptop and some new ones as well. so far, perse's doing real good!

 and on that note, i'll have to cut this post since i have to get ready for work and whatnot.

im out~!

for those who can read the language of the cards

i first used my cards today with a 95-98% accuracy with 70-80% talent according to those who matter and those who know. i got them may 24th.

it's kind of scary and amazing at the same time.

if you think this has a happy ending, you havent been paying attention

the quote i used for my title is something i got from game of thrones, a series that i have been watching lately. however, before anything else, i would to say that this post will not be about that, as much as i would like it to be.

this post will be about something more impacting on my life. and im not even exaggerating.

my laptop, which has been with me since april 9, 2010, has been stolen from my bed yesterday.

if you know me, you would know how much my laptop meant to me. im not a social person by any means so that means my idea of hanging out is in my bedroom, surfing the net, playing games and whatnot. so therefore, you would know how i would feel losing my laptop. basically, it's like having a part of me cut of. as of this moment, im writing this on my boyfriend's pc.

i suppose its about time i replace my laptop anyway, but i didnt want to lost it like this. i was even planning on having it reformatted as was my plan after i graduate, to have everything cleared up. but i guess i was beaten to it.

well, there's no use sulking about it now. im planning to replace it soon. im working now anyway so i suppose just need to save a bit of money starting now and buy a new gaming laptop. wish me luck~

just to remember my laptop by~

here's me playing TERA while at my classmate's place after revising our thesis.

well then, that's that~

bye bye, A.

april 9, 2010 - june 11, 2013

the major arcana: the story (and meanings) 03

15 THE DEVIL

The Fool comes to the foot of an enormous black mountain where reigns a creature half goat, half god. At his hooves naked people, linked to the god's throne by chains, engage in every indulgence imaginable: sex, drugs, food, drink. The closer the Fool gets, the more he feels his own earthly desires rising in him. Carnal desires, hunger for food and power, greed and selfishness. "I have given up all such desires!" he roars at the Goat god, resisting the beast's power with all his might. He is sure that this is a test of his new spirituality, one where he must prove that the temptations of the material world cannot sway him.

The creature responds to his defiance with a curious look. "All I am doing is bringing out what is already in you," it responds mildly. "Such feelings are nothing to fear, nothing to be ashamed of, or even to avoid. They are even useful to helping you in your quest for spirituality, though many try to pretend otherwise."

The Fool gestures angrily at the chained men and women, "You say that even though these are clearly enslaved to the material world?"

The Goat-god mimics the Fool's gesture. "Take another look." The Fool does so, and realizes that the chained collars the men and women wear are wide enough for them to easily slip off over their heads. "They can be free if they wish to be," the Goat-god says, "They remain here because they want to be controlled by their base, bestial desires. There are, however, others…."

At this the Goat-god gestures upward, toward the peak of the mountain. "…Others who have used these same impulses to climb to the highest heights. If they had denied their desires they'd never have gotten there."

On hearing this, the Fool sees that he has mistaken the Goat-god. This is not a creature of evil as he thought, but of great power, the lowest and the highest, both of beast and god. Like all power, it is frightening, and dangerous...but it is also a key to freedom and transcendence.

16 THE TOWER

As the Fool leaves the throne of the Goat God, he comes upon a Tower, fantastic, magnificent, and familiar. In fact, The Fool, himself, helped build this Tower back when the most important thing to him was making his mark on the world and proving himself better than other men. Inside the Tower, at the top, arrogant men still live, convinced of their rightness.

Seeing the Tower again, the Fool feels as if lightning has just flashed across his mind; he thought he'd left that old self behind when he started on this spiritual journey. But he realizes now that he hasn't. He's been seeing himself, like the Tower, like the men inside, as alone and singular and superior, when in fact, he is no such thing.

So captured is he by the shock of this insight, that he opens his mouth and releases a SHOUT! And to his astonishment and terror, a bolt of actual lightning slashes down from the heavens striking the Tower and sending its residents leaping out into the waters below.

In a moment, it is over. The Tower is rubble, only rocks remaining. Stunned and shaken to the core, the Fool experiences profound fear and disbelief. But also, a strange clarity of vision, as if his inner eye has finally opened. He tore down his resistance to change and sacrifice (Hanged man), then came to terms with Death (Death); he learned about moderation and synthesis (Temperance) and about power (The Devil). But here and now, he has done what was hardest: he destroyed the lies of his life. What's left are the foundations of truth. On this he can rebuild himself.

17 THE STAR

On the bleak landscape where the Tower stood, the Fool sits, empty, despairing. He hoped to find direction on this spiritual journey, a path to his spiritual self, but having just learned that most of his life was a lie, he now feels lost. Sitting on the cold stones, he gazes up at the night sky wishing for some kind of guide. And that is when he notices, nearby, a beautiful girl with two water urns. As he watches, she kneels by a pool of water illuminated with reflected starlight. She empties the urns, one into the pool, one onto the thirsty ground.

"What are you doing," he asks her. She looks up at him, her eyes twinkling like stars. "I am refilling this pool, so that those who are thirsty may drink, and I am also watering the earth so that more fruit trees will grow to feed those who are hungry." She nods back to a single fruit tree that stands nearby, a nightingale singing amid its branches.

"Come," she invites. "Sate your hunger and quench your thirst."

The Fool plucks some fruit from the tree, then kneels by her and drinks from the pool. The water tastes wonderful, like liquid starlight, and the fruit is equally delicious. Both help to heal his wounded heart.

Having quenched his thirst and sated his hunger, the Fool lays back to gaze up at the stars. "They're so beautiful," he said, "but so distant."

"Like possible futures," agrees the girl. "Cool and distant. Yet if you keep one in sight, it can guide you to your destination no matter how far away it is." Even as she says this, she began to fade away, like dew, vanishing. All that remains is a gleam that was at the center of her forehead. This rises up and up, until it settles in the night sky as a shining star. "Follow your star," the woman's voice seems to sing from that light, "and have hope."

The Fool takes in a breath and rises. It is a dark night, a desolate land. But for the first time, he has a guiding light to show him the way. Distant as it is, it restores his faith.

18 THE MOON

Following the star the Fool travels through the night. The full Moon rises, illuminating for him a watery path. And he begins to feel disoriented, as if walking in his sleep. He passes under the moon, between two pillars ancient and strange. Suddenly, he looks around to find himself in another land entirely. When he was in the presence of the High Priestess, he saw hints of this dark land through the sheer veil draped behind her throne. And later, when he hung from the tree, he felt himself between the physical world and this one. Now, he has at last passed behind the veil.

Here are the mysteries he sought, the darkest mysteries, ones that have to do with the most primal and ancient powers. It is a land poets, artists, musicians and madmen know well, a terrifying, alluring place, with very different rules. Wolves run wild across this land, hunting along side maidens with bow and arrows. Creatures from childhood nightmares and fantasies peer from shadows, eyes glowing.

The path the Fool was walking is now a river, and he stands hip-deep in the powerful pull of its salty waters. There is, on the nearby shore, a small boat, but it has no rudder, no oar. The Fool realizes he has only two choices. He can lose himself in this desolate, primal land of madness and illusion, howl with the wolves, be hunted down, or he can get into the boat and trust himself to the river. The moon will be in control either way, but in the boat his surrender to the powers of the unconscious will at least take him somewhere.

Inspiration, visions and genius are the rewards of such surrender to the Moon's Magic, as artists, poets and seers know. The Fool gets into the boat, and shoves off. As the waters sweep him away, moonbeams light his "path" and he feels the Mistress of this dark land gazing down at him with the High Priestess's approving eyes.

19 THE SUN

The Fool wakes at dawn from his long, dark night of the soul to find that the river has deposited him in a serene pool. There is a walled garden around this pond dominated by roses, lilies and splendid, nodding sunflowers. Stepping ashore, he watches the sun rise overhead. The day is clear. A child's laughter attracts his attention and he sees a little boy ride a small white pony into the garden.

"Come!" says the little boy, leaping off the horse and running up to him. "Come see!" And the child proceeds to take the Fool's hand and enthusiastically point out all manner of things, the busy insects in the grass, the seeds and petals on the sunflowers, the way the light sparkles on the pond. He asks questions of the Fool, simple but profound ones, like "Why is the sky blue?" He sings songs, and plays games with the Fool.

At one point the Fool stops, blinking up at the Sun so large and golden overhead, and he finds himself smiling, wider and brighter than he has in a very long time. He has been tested and tried, confused and scared, dismayed and amazed. But this is the first time that he has been simply and purely happy. His mind feels illuminated, his soul light and bright as a sunbeam, and it's all thanks to this child with his simple questions, games and songs. This boy has helped the Fool see the world and himself anew.

"Who are you?" the Fool asks the child at last. The child smiles at this and seems to shine. And then he grows brighter and brighter until he turns into pure sunlight.

"I'm You," the boy's voice says throughout the garden, "The new you." And as the words fill the Fool with warmth and energy, he comes to realize that this garden, the sun above, the child, all exist within him. He has just met his own inner light.

20 JUDGEMENT

As the Fool leaves the garden of the Sun, he feels that he is near the end of his journey, ready to take a final step. But something is keeping him from doing this, holding him back. He gazes up, hoping to find guidance from the Sun; instead he sees above him a fiery angel, beautiful and terrible.

"You are right," the Angelic figure confirms, "you have only one last step on your journey, one final step to completion. But you cannot take that step until you lay your past to rest."

The Fool is perturbed. "Lay it to rest? I thought I'd left it behind, all of it!"

"There is no way to leave the past behind," The Angel observes. "Each step wears down the shoe just a bit, and so shapes the next step you take, and the next and the next. Your past is always under your feet. You cannot hide from it, run from it, or rid yourself of it. But you can call it up, and come to terms with it. Are you willing to do that?"

The Angel hands the Fool a small trumpet. The Fool is hesitant, but he knows that the Angel is right. There are certain memories he has a hard time looking back on as they make him feel guilty, ashamed, angry. He knows that he's never come to terms with what happened and he must if he wants to make that final transition.

He blows the trumpet and it cracks open the Earth. From under the Fool's feet, the spirits of his past selves rise up, including those less than admirable past selves that he's tried to forget.

For the first time, he faces them. They are, he sees, nothing to fear. They were him once-upon-a-time, but not now. Even as he realizes this, he finds himself forgiving those past selves for the wrongs they did that left him feeling bad. He senses, in turn, that they forgive him for ignoring the lessons they had to teach him. As he reaches an understanding with them, they start to rise up and float away, vanishing into the sky. Though they remain as experiences and memories, they no longer have any power over him. He is free of ill-feelings, reborn, and living in the present.

21 THE WORLD

The Fool turns to take that final step along his final path, and finds, to his bemusement, that he is right back where he started, at the edge of that very same cliff he almost stepped over when he was young and too foolish to look where he was going. But now he sees his position very differently. He thought he could separate body and mind, learn all about one, then leave it to learn about the other. But in the end, it is all about the self: mind and body, past and future, the individual, and the world. All one, including the Fool and the Mystic who are both doorways to the secrets of the universe. 

With a knowing smile, the Fool takes that final step right off the cliff...and soars. Higher and higher, until the whole of the world is his to see. And there he dances, surrounded by a yoni of stars, at one with the universe. Ending, in a sense, where he began, beginning again at the end. The world turns, and the Fool's journey is complete.

the major arcana: the story (and meanings) 02

8 THE STRENGTH

The Fool, victorious over his enemies, is feeling arrogant, powerful, even vengeful. There are hot passions in him, ones he finds himself unable and unwilling to control. It is in this state that he comes across a maiden struggling with a lion. Running to help, he arrives in time to see her gently but firmly shut the lion's mouth! In fact, the beast, which seemed so wild and fierce, is now completely at her command.

Amazed, the Fool asks her, "How did you do that?" One hand on the lion's mane, she answers, "I asked the lion to do it, and it did it."

"But-but-" the Fool stutters, confounded. "Why did it want to obey?" At that moment, the Maiden meets the Fool's eyes; he sees in her warmth, gentleness, a heart so great that its generosity seems as infinite as its willingness to understand. And that is when the Fool understands exactly why the lion did her bidding.

It wanted to connect to that higher energy.

Yet there is still one thing that confuses the Fool. "But," he says, much softer now, "Why would you, fair maiden, want to keep company with a beast?"

"Because he, too, is filled with a wonderful energy," the Maiden says. "It is wild and fierce, but it can be banked, like a fire in a hearth. I knew if he would take direction from me, we could both be warmed."

"So, too," she adds, "are our passions. Let them run wild and they will do damage. But we can, with gentle fortitude, check and direct those passions. In doing so, we can get so much more out of them. And yet, still sate them."

His rage quieted, the enlightened Fool walks away knowing that it wasn't only the lion that was tamed this day by a Maiden's pure and innocent strength.

9 THE HERMIT

After a long and busy lifetime, building, creating, loving, hating, fighting, compromising, failing, succeeding, the Fool feels a profound need to retreat. In a small, rustic home deep in the woods, he hides, reading, cleaning, organizing, resting or just thinking. But every night at dusk he heads out, traveling across the bare, autumnal landscape. He carries only a staff and a lantern.

It is during these restless walks from dusk till dawn, peering at and examining whatever takes his fancy, that he sees things he's missed during his lifetime. His lantern illuminates animals and insects that only come out at night, flowers and plants that only bloom by moon or star light.

As these secret corners of the world are illuminated and explored by him, he feels that he is also illuminating hidden areas of his mind. In a way, he has become the Fool again. As in the beginning, he goes wherever inspiration leads him. Back then, however, his staff rested on his shoulder, carrying unseen his pack. The Fool was like the pack: wrapped up, unknown. The Hermit's staff leans out before him now, not behind. And it carries a lantern, not a pack. The Hermit is like the lantern, illuminated from within by all he is, capable of penetrating the darkness.

10 THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE

From out of hiding comes the Fool, into the sunlight, as if being pulled up from some low, dark point on a wheel. It is time for a change. Staff in hand, he heads back out into the world, expecting nothing. But, strangely, things seem to happen to him as the hours go by, good things. Wandering by a water wheel a woman offers him a drink in a golden chalice, and then urges him to keep the cup; as he wanders by a windmill, he stops to watch a young man swinging a sword; when he expresses his admiration of the weapon, the young man presses it into his hand, insisting that he take it.

And finally, when he comes upon a rich merchant sitting in a wagon, right over one of the wheels, the man hands him a bag of money. "I decided to give this to the tenth person who walked past me today," explains the Merchant, "You're the tenth." The Fool hardly thought he could still be surprised, but he is. It is as if everything good that he ever did in his life is being paid back to him, three-fold. All luck this day is his.

11 JUSTICE

The Fool is looking for a new path, a new aspiration and inspiration for his life. Sitting uncertain at a crossroads he notices a blind wise woman listening to two brothers argue over an inheritance. They have come to her for judgment. One brother has the whole inheritance, the other has nothing.

"I ask that all of it be given to me," the poor brother demands, "Not only because I have a better right to it, but because I will not be wasteful with it, as he is!" But the rich brother protests, "It is rightfully mine and that's all that should matter, not what I do with it!"

The woman listens, then awards half of the rich brother's inheritance to the poor brother. The Fool thinks this only fair, but neither brother is happy. The rich one hates losing half his wealth, and the poor one feels he ought to have gotten all.

"You were fair," the Fool remarks to the woman after the brothers have left. "Yes, I was," she answers plainly. "With only half the inheritance, the rich one will stop being so wasteful. And the poor one will have as much as he needs. Even though they cannot see it, this decision was good for both."

The Fool thinks on this and realizes that he has spent his life achieving worldly ambitions and physical goods while leaving his spiritual self to starve. He ought to have given half his time and energy to his spiritual self, but he didn't. It's no wonder that he feels unbalanced. Thanking the woman, he heads out to restore equilibrium to his inner scales.

12 THE HANGED MAN

The Fool settles beneath a tree, intent on finding his spiritual self. There he stays for nine days, without eating, barely moving. People pass by him, animals, clouds, the wind, the rain, the stars, sun and moon. On the ninth day, with no conscious thought of why, he climbs the tree and dangles from a branch upside down like a child. For a moment, he surrenders all that he is, wants, knows or cares about. Coins fall from his pockets and as he gazes down on them - seeing them not as money but only as round bits of metal.

It seems to him that his perspective of the world has completely changed, as if his inverted position has allowed him to dangle between the mundane world and the spiritual world, able to see both. It is a dazzling moment, dreamlike yet crystal clear.

Timeless as this moment of clarity seems, he realizes that it will not last. Very soon, he must right himself, but when he does, things will be different. He will have to act on what he's learned. For now, however, he just hangs, weightless as if underwater, observing, absorbing, seeing.

13 DEATH

Having left the tree from where he hung, the Fool moves carefully through a fallow field, head still clearing from visions. The air is cold and wintry, the trees bare. He knows he has started on his spiritual journey in earnest, but feels strangely empty and profoundly sad, as if he has lost something.

Before him he sees, rising with the sun, a skeleton in black armor mounted on a white horse. He recognizes it as Death. As it stops before him, he humbly asks, "Have I died?" And the Skeleton answers, "Yes, in a way. You sacrificed your old world, your old self. Both are gone, dead."

The Fool cannot keep from weeping. "Forgive me," he says, embarrassed by his tears.

"There is nothing to forgive," Death replies. "Mourning is natural and you must deal with your loss before you can accept anything new. Keep in mind, however, that old leaves must wither and fly away from a tree's branches, leaving them bare, before new green leaves can appear."

As Death rides away, the Fool sees the truth in those words. He, too, feels like a skeleton, all that he was stripped away. This, he understands, is how all great transformations start, by removing everything down to bare bone or soil so that something new has room to grow.

14 TEMPERANCE

Recovering from feelings of loss at last, the Fool begins to wonder if he will finally find the new spirituality he's after. It occurs to him that so far, he's been dealing with opposites: the two opposing sides of the scales (Justice), the material and spiritual (which he hung between as the Hanged man), death and birth (the one leading into the other in the Death card). Does one always have to be surrendered to get the other? he wonders.

It is at this point that he comes upon a winged figure standing with one foot in a brook, the other on a rock. The radiant creature pours something from one flask into another. Drawing closer, the Fool sees that what is being poured from one flask is fire, while water flows from the other. The two are being blended together into a completely different substance!

"How can you mix fire and water?" the Fool finally whispers. Never pausing the Angel answers, "You must have the right vessels and use the right proportions."

The Fool watches with wonder. "Can this be done with all opposites?" he asks. "Indeed," the Angel replies, "Any oppositions, fire and water, man and woman, thesis and anti-thesis, can be made into a unified third. It is only a lack of will and a disbelief in the possibility that keeps opposites, opposite." And that is when the Fool begins to understand that he is the one who is keeping his universe in twain, holding life/death, material world and spiritual world separate. In him the two could merge. All it takes, the Fool realizes, is the right proportions, the right vessel and enough faith that the two can be unified.

the major arcana: the story (and meanings) 01

0/22 THE FOOL

With all his worldly possessions in one small pack, the Fool travels he knows not where. So filled with visions, questions, wonder and excitement is he, that he doesn't see the cliff he is likely to fall over. At his heel a small dog harries him (or tries to warn him of a possible mis-step). Will the Fool learn to pay attention to where he's going before it's too late?

1 THE MAGICIAN

Traveling on his way, the Fool first encounters a Magician. Skillful, self-confident, a powerful magus with the infinite as a halo floating above his head, the Magician mesmerizes the Fool. When asked, the Fool gives over his bundled pack and stick to the Magician. Raising his wand to heaven, pointing his finger to Earth, the Magician calls on all powers. Magically, the cloth of the pack unfolds upon the table, revealing its contents.

To the Fool's eyes, it is as if the Magician has created the future with a word. All the possibilities are laid out, all the directions he can take: The cool, airy Sword of intellect and communication, the fiery Wand of passions and ambition, the overflowing Chalice of love and emotions, the solid Pentacle of work, possessions and body.

With these tools, the Fool can create anything, make anything of his life. But here's the question, did the Magician create the tools, or were they already in the pack? Only the Magician knows - and on this mystery, our eloquent mage refuses to say a word.

2 THE HIGH PRIESTESS

Continuing his journey, the Fool comes upon a beautiful and mysterious veiled lady enthroned between two pillars and illuminated by the moon. She is the opposite of the Magician, quiet where he was loquacious, still where he was in motion, sitting while he stood, shrouded in the night where he was out in the bright of day. Sensing that she is a great seer, the Fool lays out his sword, chalice, staff and pentacle before her. "The Magician showed me these, but now I'm in a quandary. There are so many things I could do with them. I can't decide."

The High Priestess doesn't speak. Instead she hands him a pair of ancient scrolls. Seating himself at her feet, the Fool puts his decision-making on hold and reads by the light of her crescent moon.

"I did not know any of this," says the Fool. The scrolls, like a secret manual, have given him insight into his new tools. "This information helps me to narrow things down, but I'm still afraid of making a wrong decision."

The words come to him then, not from without but from within: "What do your instincts tell you?" The Fool reflects on that, and that's when he knows what he should do. Decision made, he rises to leave even though he suspects that the High Priestess has more secrets she could reveal to him--like what lies behind the pomegranate curtain. Right now, however, he is focused and ready to be on his way.

Thanking the High Priestess, he heads off. But as he leaves he hears that inner voice, rising like the waters which spring and flow from beneath her throne: "We'll meet again...when you're ready to travel the most secret path of all."

3 THE EMPRESS

Having decided what he will create with his tools, the Fool strides forward, impatient to make his future a full-grown reality. This is when he comes upon the Empress. Her hair gold as wheat, wearing a crown of stars, and a white gown dotted with pomegranates. She rests back on her throne surrounded by an abundance of grain and a lush garden. It is possible that she is pregnant.

Kneeling, the Fool relates to her his story. And she, in turn, smiles a motherly smile and gently gives him this advice: "Like newly planted grain or a newborn babe, a new life, a new relationship, a new creation is fragile. It requires patience and nurturing. It needs love and attention. Only this will bring it to fruition." Understanding at last that his creations will take time to develop, the Fool thanks the Empress and continues on his way.

4 THE EMPEROR

The Fool was given options by the Magician, and decided on one with help from the High Priestess. He learned how to develop it thanks to the Empress. Now it has reached as stage where he must find a way to manage it. How to do this? He approaches a great Emperor seated on a stone throne. The Fool is amazed by the way the Emperor is instantly, eagerly obeyed in every particular, at how well his Empire is run and organized. Respectfully, he asks the Emperor how it is he does this. And the Emperor answers: "Strong will and a solid foundation of laws and order. It's all very well," he explains to the Fool, "to be imaginative, creative, instinctual, patient; but to control one must be alert, brave and aggressive."

Ready now to lead and direct rather than be led, the Fool heads out with new purpose.

5 THE HIEROPHANT

Having created a solid foundation on which to build his future, the Fool is struck with a sudden fear. What if everything he's worked for is taken away? Is stolen, or lost, or destroyed or vanishes? Or what if what he's created isn't good enough? In a panic, he heads into a temple where he finds the Hierophant, a wise and holy man. Acolytes kneel before the man ready to hear and pass on his teachings. The Fool tells the Hierophant his fears, and asks how he can be free of them.

"There are two ways," says the Hierophant sagely, "Either give up that which you fear to lose so it no longer holds any power over you, or consider what you will still have if your fear comes to pass. After all," the Hierophant continues, "if you did lose all you'd built, you would still keep the experience and knowledge that you've gained up to this point, wouldn't you?"

"That is true," the Fool says. "But what about the community, society and friends I've discovered thanks to what I've created? More than knowledge or experience, I value them. If I lost all, I'd lose them too, wouldn't I?"

"Not necessarily," the Hierophant answers with a warm glow in his compassionate eyes. "If your community has traditions that you all share, ethics and beliefs, then you will never lose that fellowship even if circumstances force you to part. You can even pass such onto your children giving them the same fellowship with each other and with past generations."

Hearing this, the Fool feels his heart ease, as if knots of fear have been loosened. A sense of peace blankets him, and he takes a moment to thank the good Hierophant most profoundly. Stepping out of the sanctuary he makes his way to a meeting with his friends. Tonight they will talk about how they can create lessons and traditions to preserve not only their experience and knowledge, but their community

6 THE LOVERS

The Fool comes to a cross-road, filled with energy, confidence and purpose, knowing exactly where he wants to go and what he wants to do. But he comes to a dead stop. A flowering tree marks the path he wants to take, the one he's been planning on taking. But standing before a fruit tree marking the other path is a woman. The Fool has met and had relationships with women before, some far more beautiful and alluring. But she is different. Seeing her, he feels as though he's just been shot in the heart with cupid's arrow.

That's how shocking, how painful is his "recognition" of her. As he speaks with her, the feeling intensifies; like finding a missing part of himself. It is clear that she feels the same about him. They finish each other's sentences, think the same thoughts. It is as if an Angel above had introduced their souls to each other.

Though it was his plan to follow the path of the flowering tree, and though it will cause some trouble for him to bring this woman with him, the Fool knows he dare not leave her behind. Like the fruit tree, she will fulfill him. No matter how divergent from his original intent, she is his future. He chooses her, and together they head down a whole new road.

7 THE CHARIOT

The Fool is close to completing what he set out to create long ago, back when the Magician revealed those tools to him. But enemies are now standing in his way, devious human enemies, bad circumstances, even confusion in his own mind. There's no more forward momentum; he feels he is fighting just to stay where he is. Walking along the shore, watching the waves come in, he puzzles over how to defeat these enemies and get things moving forward once again. It is here that he comes across a charioteer, standing in his gold and silver chariot, his black and white steeds at rest. "You seem a victorious warrior," the Fool remarks. "I feel beset by my enemies, unable to move forward. What should I do?

"First, you must armor yourself," the Charioteer strikes the chariot and then his breastplate with a gauntleted fist, making both ring out. "Next, you must focus on your goal, where do you mean to go, what do you mean to do." The warrior nods to his beasts. "Your steeds keep the wheels turning, but it is your control and direction of them that gets them to their destination. Dark and light, they must be made to draw in harmony, under your guidance." The Fool nods. That makes sense. "What if an someone or something gets in your way?"

The Charioteer coolly meets the Fool's gaze. "You run them down. Your aim is victory, and to be victorious you must have unwavering confidence in your cause. Never question, never doubt what you're trying to achieve. Never lose your focus or your motivation."

The Fool is impressed and inspired. He thinks he now knows how to get past all the distractions and setbacks that have been keeping him trapped in place, like a riptide in the ocean. He thanks the warrior, but before he leaves, the warrior stays the Fool.

"One thing more you should keep in mind," he says, "Victory is not the end, it is the beginning. Remember that before you decide to enter into any contest."

the body's revenge

i just finished a week in transition pod, meaning i've been taking in real chats from customers and whatnot. my schedule has been wicked on me since it was the 2am - 11am shift. actually, aside from confusing customers, it's actually fun. my team's a real joy to be with and very helpful. however, my body didn't agree with the sudden change so much.

i came down with the flu after shift on saturday, fortunately, im good enough to go to work later. i wouldnt want my attendance to be marked you know, specially since im aiming for the ojt position. by the way, as far as my performance, im proud to say that i got 4 perfect 5s from customer surveys last saturday, but yeah, had to sacrifice my health for it. but i guess we cant get everything that we want.

i'll be getting my pay again this week. yay~! 

just about time

timecheck: 6.25pm

i just woke up. this is quite normal to me now ever since i started working night shifts. work has been fun so far. so a lot's been happening in my life and when i say this time that i hadn't enough time to blog about it, no matter how much i wanted to, i swear its the truth. 

just last week, may 10, i finally got my salary of around 10k+, not bad for me really. as i promised to myself, i bought my mom a box of j.co donuts which i've been curious for so long already. it's an early mother's day gift. after which i decided to give myself a treat for getting my first salary along with my cousin and my boyfriend. its been a while since i had time to myself and my boyfriend like that and along with my cousin, that was a very fun day. a lot of sushi and some bowling was enough to make me feel fulfilled. 

as i finished my month's worth of training in my company, i'm a bit disappointed that i was only the third top in class, since i held the second place for most of the time and only because i made a mistake on our last evaluation that i dropped to third rank. eitherway, it's pretty good enough i guess. i was given the award of a silent player and the most surprising graduate since according to our trainer, as a newbie in the field of my work, i excelled more than what was expected of me.

now i've entered transtion pod--from which we transition from training to being on the actual operational floor. i've handled my first chats earlier this morning and i admit i struggled a bit. i knew i would be experiencing inquiries never tackled in class during training, but at least i survived right? it's not my best, obviously, but there's always room for improvement.

later will be my second day on the floor. here's to hoping i actually live up to the expectations of myself and my colleagues as well as my trainer about my skills.

first day on a new chapter

well where can i start? work was awesome! the place was awesome, the people were nice, and we have free coffee!

i honestly didnt expect that my first job would be this grand. our office is at the 10th floor of the Prism plaza in Mall of Asia and i can see everything~ the sea, the buildings, night lights, and the sunset was pretty much eye candy for me. unfortunately i cant post any pictures because phones were prohibited inside the office. maaaaybe i can sneak in my phone someday to post pictures of it, because honestly that view is just breathtaking.

the facilities looked nice, we have sleeping quarters--but i guess thats expected if youre a call center company and you want to ensure the safety of your employees. but what got me is the gaming room, we have an xbox! can you believe it~ i can actually continue my career in assassins creed hahaha, granted i find the time to.

first day of training started yesterday and im looking forward to the incoming days.

it would be perfect if my boyfriend could join me. i still hope he could.

turn a page on a new chapter

this wont be a continuation of my story but a short update. 

i start work tomorrow! yaaay. well, training really. my shift begins at 5pm but i have no idea what time im going out. probably early morning. anyway, this is the start of a new chapter of my life. i got this mixed feeling of dread and excitement. eitherway, its about time i move on with my life.

so with that said, im gonna go lie down now and take some rest. not sure if im gonna fall asleep though. maybe later.

thats all~ wish me luck.

a shadow in winter .02

She knew it very well.

Liath wasn’t always a faery, in a sense. Yes she was born one, a full-blooded faerie from the Unseelie Court. However, by the time of her birth, taking changelings from the human world were still a popular practice then, not so much now. It was unfortunate—or fortunate, I don’t know—that Liath was one of the chosen ones to be exchanged for a human child. Her changeling had long died, back in the Unseelie Court. Unlike her, her changeling knew from the moment she gained memories that she didn’t belong in the Court, that she was human. However, she showed no desire to come back to her world. Such is the fate of the Thralls. Some call it a gift, but Liath saw it as a curse. Most humans enter a state of enthrallment once they step into the Fae domain. They were consumed of what they saw, of how Fae lived, stripping them of any desire to return to their home. She saw it to be lonely, honestly speaking.

She on the other hand, hadn’t always lived in Faerie. She had lived seventeen human years on the other side of the veil, believing herself to be a normal human being—though she had always been uneasy that something was amiss. Liath wondered if she hadn’t been exchanged, if she would feel as lonely as she was and with a desire to live a human life.

While Liath had been her real name, she had another name while she lived with the humans. Fraulein, she was once called. It was the only thing about that life that she could remember. The faces of the people she once called parents as well as their name had been forgotten and the world that she lived in had changed so much that the memories of her home had eventually disappeared. She knew she was given to a wealthy family of stature and title. Her real parents made it so. She was given to a family that could support her and benefit her needs. She could vaguely remember the dresses and lights that surrounded her life then. But it had been so long ago that when she tried to sit down and try to remember a certain memory, even at random, it turned into mist before she can catch it.

Her human life ended when Xaedh came to her one winter night. It was at that point her memories began, vivid and unforgettable.

“The one born in winter will be given away, and as the seventeenth moon completes, the birthright that was taken will be restored once more under the same winter sky.”

Those were the words he said—words that didn’t mean to her then. It was that same night that she was presented everything about the Fae. Her parents were there too, their faces were the only blurry thing against the vividness of that memory. She couldn’t see their reactions, their expressions. She didnt know whether they were happy to be rid of her or if they were sad to see her go. She could only remember them releasing their hold on her, telling her that they understand that her fate wasn’t to stay in the human world.

They gave her the name Liath—her birth name.

“They will be compensated.” Xaedh had said then. She would later find out that after she was brought back to Faerie, her human parents were given an immense wealth as payment for their service as well as their silence. Her changeling, the real Fraulein, was given back to her parents, but she had heard gossips that the girl eventually lost her mind in desire to return to Faerie. She wasn’t sure what happened then—if she was taken back or not. It was rumored that Fraulein's parents, her parents, were surprised to find out they had a real daughter, making Liath wonder whether they were thralled to forget about their daughter in order for Liath to take her place. That night was the last time that she ever saw her human parents. But it was also then the loneliness began, whether she was aware of it or not. It didn’t make sense to her how she could be lonely when she didn’t remember her human life.

It didn’t change the fact however, that just like Fraulein was to Faerie, she had an attachment to the human world that she didn’t understand, and while some Fae in the Unseelie court knew of it, none of them spoke it out loud. Somehow, it still made Liath feel incomplete.

TBC.

a shadow in winter .01

It was her time of the year. It was beautiful--when the harshness of the world were covered and softened by pure white snow. However, beautiful that it was, it was also cold, even deadly. 

She walked through the city garden--it was a little past midnight and people were starting to leave the park, huddled in their sweaters and knitted scarfs. It was almost Christmas, she believed. A holiday she didnt concern herself with. In fact, she cared very little for human holidays. Nevertheless, she admitted that the humans did well in turning the park into a beautiful garden. The trees were mostly covered in soft, newly fallen snow, but aside from that, wrapped around each tree was a vine of blinking lights. Their reflection glowed against the snow, turning the place into an almost ethereal state. Much like she was.

She looked up at the sky as it started snowing. She reached out and caught a few flakes in her hand--it almost blended into her skin, reminding her of what she was. She turned her head around and caught herself reflected in one of the cafe's windows--a reflection noone else would see. 

Her hair was long, flowing, and white, almost with a shade of blue, that reached down past her waist. She was pale--very much so, a shade of pale not present in any human. Her lips were dry, a pale blue that cracked at the edges. And her eyes were winter blue--a bright blue, but cold. Much like the rest of her--nevertheless, she was beautiful, she knew that--but it was a harsh kind of beauty.

She was no human. She could pass as one if she chose, but not tonight. She had dropped her glamour for tonight and walked among humans invisibly.

Her kind goes by many names but they were more known as the Fae. There was a time when humans acknowledged their existence, once they were even thought of as gods and goddesses. But as time went on, humans evolved and forgot them and turned them into myths and bedside stories. Humans, whose life were but a blink to the fae managed to evolve while they, whose lives neared what humans call as immortal, stayed as they were more than a millennia ago. Constant, never changing. It was ironic really, whereas they were once referred to as the guardians of the earth, when earth itself changed its seasons year after year. 

This was why she chose to spend most of her time in this side of the veil. The ever-changing lifestyle of humans both amused and saddened her. While she can choose to appear human every now and then, she knew she would never be part of them. The reflection she saw now reminded her of that. If she so choose to appear to humans as she was, she would either be rejected or worshiped--and she wanted neither. She wanted to be part of them.

"I see youre here again."

The voice came from the shadows behind the trees, a voice she was increasingly becoming familiar with. Even still, she was unsure whether this was a welcome change or not.

"And you."

There was no one else in the park besides them two--but it didnt matter, should one pass by the park at this time, they would see nothing but shadows and trees, unaware of the exchange of the two from beyond the veil.

He stepped out from the shadows, appearing before her with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. She wasnt entirely sure if it was genuine or with a hint of mockery. If she was pale, this man lived the shadows. While she was dressed in clothing that didnt belong to this side, he dressed in clothes that were human made, despite this however, he still looked far from human. Just like her, he was too beautiful to pass for one.

"Why are you here?"

He merely shrugged and walked off, though he stopped not too far from her, his back facing her. "You know why. But since I know you dont like hearing what Im here to say, I'll give you a different reason. I grow bored of the Court so I decided to take a walk." 

She held her ground, refusing to walk after him despite her senses telling her otherwise. Instead, she crossed her arms in an attempt to restrain herself.

"You cannot just walk away from your duty. It is your Court after all."

"And yours."

"You know what I mean Xaedh."

"And you know what I mean as well." For a moment there was silence until Xaedh laughed, shaking his head. "Your eyes really do flash when youre frustrated. It's like a small burst of light you know. It's unfortunate really, that you cant see them when you do." 

The temperature in the garden suddenly dropped as Liath's frustration rose, earning herself an amused chuckle from Xaedh.

"Talk about cold. Bad day I guess?"

"You should know."

Xaedh only gave her a smile as a response before bowing in front of her. "In that case, I shall see you in the Otherside." Upon straightening up, Xaedh's face turned serious. "You really should come home."

Liath was the one to turn her back this time, moving her hands to rub at her arms despite not being affected by the weather that surrounded them, in fact, she did this to comfort herself in the familiar coldness.

"One day, maybe."

"You cant stay away forever."

She felt it when he left, blending once more into the shadows that he came from. Liath then sighed in resignation, allowing herself to finally give in to the weakness she felt whenever Xaedh came to this side to visit her.

"I know."

TBC.

a key on the bedside

... It was a familiar touch. "..I know you. In a dream I had years ago." ...

Clothes had been discarded long before this memory started. What remained now were the smooth movements from where bedsheets slid against bare skin. The only light that entered the room came from the moon, flowing like water between the blinds that hung by the window, illuminating the scene in liquid light. Gentle, mysterious, beguiling. 

 She pressed her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes, sighing, just a hint of smile tugging on the corners of her lips. She loved him. She loved where she was. She loved hearing his heart beat against her ear, his chest raise against her cheek with every breath he took. She could forget what awaited them in the world outside that room, for in that moment, only the two of them existed. Secrets exchanged under the knowing presence of the moon.

Fingers slipped inbetween fingers. Feeling and remembering. Another deep breath. She lifted herself off him for a moment and looked at him, trying to make out what she could in the dark. She could make out his face from the shadows and knew he stared right back at her. A quiet chuckle escaped her lips as she moved her hand into his cheek, her fingers pressing against his face gently, moving to trace his lips--lips which he parted to kiss her finger. At that moment, with that small gesture, her heart sped. For a moment it was unbearable. She closed her eyes again and lowered her head against him once more, this time burying her face against his neck. She could feel his fingers at the back of her neck, her hair slipping between his fingers. 

This time, it was him who took a deep breath. She pulled away for a moment, wondering.

"Give me your lips."

It wouldnt be the first time, far from it even. Still, she found herself shying away--temporarily. It was this moment where she always stumbled. But it would only last for a moment, she would lean in, part her lips for him and accept him as she always did.

The way he held her would change then. Gentle touches turned firm, neither refusing to let go. Often she would pull away, gasping for breath--everything about him took her away. He would lift her away from reality too fast that she needed to ground herself for a moment, only to return into his arms once more where she knew she would lose herself over and over again. 

The room would soon lose its liquid gentleness, heated shadows replacing it in the process. 

"My name. Say my name."

She would, by heavens, she would if she could. But what only left her lips were half-hearted attempts, her breath leaving her before she could say his name. Instead she tried to convey the message to him by holding unto him as tight as she could. Her fingers would slip, sometimes they dug into his skin, leaving unintended marks.  

What came after that was a moment of blank consciousness. Of simply being. At that moment she existed for nothing else. She would reach out to him, to hold on to what kept her in that reality.  

For a moment. A moment more. 

Just one more touch.